Author: Chirelle McCorley

I was looking through pictures on my phone. It was like I was seeing my past self with new eyes. I spent so much of my youth consumed with my body image, I was forcibly smaller bodied for a good portion of my teens because of disordered eating. I worked so hard in my teen to amass power for myself where I felt it was lacking. I don’t know if I was as aware of the other things taking place in my life. I had good friends, and a supportive mother, and siblings that cared about me. My childhood, while being poor, had nourishment in it. When we got out of foster-care, I was well taken care of by my mother. Encouraged, pushed to go after the things I was inspired to do. My mother wanted the best for me. Certainly circumstances arrived into our lives that caused stress and my mother’s boundedness to working at a toxic job showed up in our lives as her unavailable at times. But after the years of homelessness, I had an adolescence that was good to me. 

That’s my reclamation today. That I can say I my childhood was loving. I was loved. Poor and hurting but loved. It’s the hurt and healing that I’ve spent all my twenties focused on in addition to trying to get a degree so to not be poor. But, it seems poverty is trickier than a bunny on easter. All past versions of me are now tuned into the understanding that I am attentive to the needs they didn’t have met and the questions that didn’t have answers. If feel myself soothed these days knowing that I’ve tended to all parts of me that were not cared for with intention. I can give and pour into any part of myself now. I have given myself the gift of a healthy self relationship. I love me so much and am grateful that I went back to reclaim what was hurting inside of me. 

Now I feel like I’m getting a second chance at a career I thought I’d never make it in. Because of ADHD, my autoimmune illness, my hatred of capitalism and mistrust of people in the workplace. I’m finding myself back at the place I was long before I choose my spiritual path. There may be room for me to pursue both. I can create a financially stable life for myself. That feels relieving to say. I can be committed to my life path with spirit and cultivate a satisfying career too. I can have them both. The magic and the mundane. 

I am a writer. And I think often about what story I am trying to tell with my words. If you notice my word are leading to someplace, moving me along in the plot and storyline. I talk about my life as if I’m going somewhere. Where is that place? What journey do I want to take others on? The journey is conjure. The spirit in me gathers the material needed to produce the right conditions for exchange between the spirits of other realms so that my earthly reality is shifted. From the beginning to the end of a written piece, I am changed, and moved toward a direction of clarity, purpose and bettering knowing. I am conjuring my life in the direction of my destiny and I write to get there. I write to know where I was, where I am and where I am going. 

Before I met my ancestors and spirits, I didn’t know my writing was root work. And I didn’t know that they had a meeting place in me through my words. When I step back and look at my past, everything I wrote was in preparation for their arrival into my awareness. From a hurting and sleeping child to a questioning and misguided young adult, I was writing and speaking myself into mother god’s hands up until the moment my life was falling apart and my heart was captured by her mid fall. I was then introduced to writing as a conversation with those beyond seeing eyes. 

The story that I am telling is the one of the person who found their way. And it’s a very important one to tell. Reason being that some people don’t think there is a guiding force beyond our cognition. That we live life as disjointed figures not connected to an orchestra of spirits that advise on our behalf. And I want to explain to others why that belief is a fabrication of delusion meant to limit the possibilities within our humanity. I want to tell this story because years and generations of trauma and anti-blackness robbed me of time with my beloved spirits. And I now the reintroduction to my spirits is taking me back into time to gather what was lost, forgotten and unhealed. We spend so much of time trying to figure out who we are going to be. I think it’s essential that we know some of us have our lives spoken for. And I didn’t know until I met my spirits that I was spoken for. Called into living with distinct purpose. How disingenuous for us to be born and never told there was more to life than learning how to produce wealth for others. 

Of the many great thefts of the western world, one of the greatest was the dissolving of the very important involvement that spirits have in navigating of souls though their lifetimes. The time I spend before I knew my sprits were years of searching while feeling lost. Now I am moved into the places that are meant for me to explore and am given choice in how to learn, grow and evolve. It is not capitalism that I am to abide my life choices by, it is a much grander family that gives me directive. I write to remind all of us enslaved by a soulless social order that there is a spiritual presence that exists beyond our current conditions that can extend us past the limits of our imagining into a new world. It is once we get into that world that we become protected, sheltered and renewed with self knowing. 

Like the ancients before me, I having figure out how to transport myself from from one time space to another and to be in multiple time spaces at the same time. It’s is my work to remember how rich in humanity and how full of magic my life truly is. Time-bending and shapeshifting is a revolutionary tool that we learn how to master in the company of our spirits. I am telling the story of how I remembered my place within the stars and how I brought back an everlasting light that shines past the horrors of human error and ego and seeing into our collective restoration. I write to speak to all the conjurers like myself who see through the eyes of mother god and speak her wisdom. This is the lifetime I reclaimed my power back from any force trying to ensure I didn’t recognize it. 

• 2022 (4)
• 2019 (1)
• 2018 (3)
• 2017 (1)
• 2016 (1)
• 2014 (1)

Here I am, living into another year. It’s been a year since I’ve moved to Texas. What has happened this year? So much has been coming out of me. This year challenged me. I’ve been feeling so tender that being vulnerable feels repulsive at times. It’s been a slow process of letting all the grief come out of me. Ooze out of me, peel off of me, hang around me. The grief has been heavy. I know myself in ways I’ve never had the intimacy to know. I have communicated this person with others. I’ve been vocalizing her needs. I’ve been sitting with myself. With her. Just witnessing who I am. Without pretense. As the parts of me that I once felt familiar with shifted. Shaped and then lost form again. So many aspect of myself have not felt complete this year. Not cohesive anyway.

My spiritual practice could have been a buffer or even a clarifying tool during these times but I’ve depended less on my practices and more on the transformative use of time. Letting the days pass as I get acclimated to Texas. It’s felt like a whole year of getting adjusted to a new way of being. The heat, the humidity, the people, the spirits, and the outdoors. I’ve been too tired to connect at times. Taken in by the need to sleep whenever I meditate. In the spirit of therapy and not doing 110%, I’ve been doing increasingly less and seeing if that still garners spiritual resonance.

I’ve been being a regular nigga out here in the world. Adjusting to a life with new rules. Perhaps it’s dangerous of me to come out to the south as I have, just on the hunches of my spirits and love of my family. There are other things out here to be careful of, the south is known for it’s intensity of energy and Spiritual happenings. Yes, in fact I do think I am a fool for being here. Foolish enough to believe that I need to be here doing something for the lands and people living and not living on them. Something. Foolish enough to believe that I belong here. To know that these lands are my lands, my peoples lands, and if I’m gonna call a place home, these lands would be where I’d be welcomed. Respect earned but welcomed none the less.

It was foolish of me to think that there was something here for me but I did and there is.

The cost of me being here has been very high. It has taken me many deaths and many rebirths to be in right relations on these lands. I’ve had to be very clear about who I am going to be, how I am going to act and the ways I’m going to communicate and what I believe about myself. These reflections have challenged me down to my core. But I keep breathing and I keep showing up for myself. It’s not all figured out and it’s not all perfect. But I am living with intention. Nothing in my life is an unnecessary obligation. I am exhausted and yet still very proud.

My hope is to continue making improvements in my mental and physical health and overtime deepen my spiritual practice. I have allowed my spiritual practice to linger in the distance because I had spent so many years with it at the forefront of my actions and motivations. Now I look to blend the magic and the mundane as my ancestors have so easily here in the south. To immerse myself in a culture of conjure and root work, to see it wherever I go and in all aspects of who I am. To be less identifiable as a spiritual person and it’s aesthetics and more aligned with being the living blood of my lineage. A child of purpose and love.

Hi Friends!

I’ve got an activity for you.

Find a mirror at home or go to the bathroom.

Read each statement out loud while looking yourself in the eyes.

Pause and take a deep breathe in between reading each statement.

Note: The book below is a great resource as well!

1. I want to develop a more consistently loving and accepting relationship with myself.
2. I want an increasing capacity for self-acceptance.
3. I want to become the best possible friend to myself.
4. I want my relationships to be based on love, respect, fairness, and mutual support.
5. I want to expand into full, uninhibited self-expression.
6. I want to attain the best possible physical health.
7. I want to cultivate a balance of exuberance and peace.
8. I want to attract to myself loving friends and loving community.
9. I want increasing freedom from toxic shame.
10. I want increasing freedom from unnecessary fear.
11. I want rewarding and fulfilling work.
12. I want a healthy amount of peace of mind, spirit, soul, and body.
13. I want to increase my capacity to play and have fun.
14. I want to make plenty of room for beauty and nature in my life.
15. I want sufficient physical and monetary resources.
16. I want a fair amount of help (self, human, or divine) to get what I need.
17. I want divine love, grace, and blessing.
18. I want a balance of work, play, and rest.
19. I want a balance of stability and change.
20. I want a balance of loving interaction and healthy self-sufficiency.
21. I want full emotional expression with a balance of laughter and tears.
22. I want sexual satisfaction.
23. I want to express my anger in effective and nonabusive ways.
24. I want all this for each and every other human being as well as myself.

Walker, Pete (2015-11-02). The Tao of Fully Feeling: Harvesting Forgiveness out of Blame (p. 56).

I’ve been off and on with my writing on this page. I got caught up trying to things the right way or whatever I thought the right way was in my mind. In actually, I was confused. Who do I want to be in this space? Inspiring. Exhausted. Polished. Certain and sure or confused. Cause honestly, I’m all those things in one day.

I’ve spent the past few years in a metamorphosis. Loosing, forgetting and shedding the me I thought I’d be. Now I’m somebody but still figuring out who. I’d like this blog to be a space to define myself. To figure out what my new boundaries are, to name them and be in the work on living by them.

This blog will be my thinking space as I sort out how this woman in me wants to live her life. Keep checking in cause I’ve got some thangs to say.

Thanks for listening y’all.

This full moon everyone is trying to decide which way to go and Gemini is coming in fast with just enough faces to both overwhelm you and also help you see all the possibilities. 

This full moon is giving you the gifts of the labor that you committed to in the last 6 months. If you’ve been slacking, then you may feel a sense of urgency to get it all together right now. We are all thinking about the direction we will go. We are all looking back on what we created, what it taught us and how we will move forward. Past. Present and Future are being felt right now. 

Remember to be present in these moments. You’ve probably been holding your breath. Take a moment to breathe.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Trust yourself. Trust that your intentions have been true. Trust that your effort has been shown. Trust that what you’ve given will be returned. You are looking out on to the horizon, watching for the band of horses to come roaring into the skyline. You doubt that they heard your call. Unsure if you hear them galloping, hooves beating the ground as they rush to greet you. Are they are coming to lead you to victory?

Yes.  Have no doubt. 

Gemini and the horses she’s riding in on will help you see things from multiple perspectives. That way, when you’re done sorting through the lessons from the past, you can communicate clearly about what you desire for your future. Take some time this week reflect on how much you’ve grown and from it start to envision of the next chapter of your life.

On Monday, while watching the solar eclipse, I wrote a quick note while the eclipse was in totality. Here is the quick jot:

Letting go of the shadows of my inner child. The fear of being seen, heard and fully loved. I am letting go of fear. Asking for what I need. 

I am preparing for courageous vulnerability and a return the land, the water, the earth. I am ready to navigate the oceans of my healing journey and return home to myself. 

I am willing to seek out, find and join those whose journeys are like mine. I ask for fearlessness and discernment when I make a request to the world and it is returned to me. I need honesty and integrity to make the right choices for myself. 

My physical and emotional reaction during the eclipse was surprising to me. I felt very nervous and jittery for all of the totality and it slowly faded away as the sun and moon moved out of alignment. I felt the building up of tension and a slow release that brought in a new feeling of excitement and expectation.

I put my note under the water bowl on my altar to set a reminder to myself and the spirits of what I’ve committed myself to. I’m excited to see how life responds to me and tracking the unfolding.

Thanks for reading and let’s stay connected.

January 31 2016

I watched Evelyn’s goals for 2016 and I am really feeling what she said.

• Don’t compare yourself to others.
• Get out of your own way.
• Commit to doing the work.

1. I’ve been really working on this for the past few years. i used to be really good fro comparing myself to others but over the years I’ve come into my confidence in who I am and what I bring. I think the testament of my past relationship help me understand what I bring to the table more as well. Value you owning timing is just the same as appreciated your needs, how you operate in the world, how you show up. appreciate the timing if your come up because if it happened anytime before or after you were ready you wouldn’t see it.
2. THIS  is exactly where I am at in my life. I JUST realized that I have been getting in my own way in regard to my educational goals/career. There has been much fear in knowing EXACTLY what I want to do. Because then, I have to go for it. That freaks me out. It’s time to reimagine what I’ve placed as roadblocks in my own way. They have been mental roadblocks. it was suggested that i use the rage, the vulnerability from it to be a catalystyst toward cultivating and leaning into finding out what i want to do.
3. This one is hard because i’ve learned that with not comparing myself to others that i like variety. it’s hard to settle into one thing that i want to commit to because it like to try different things. I want to honor my need for variety while making commitments rooted a firm understanding my purpose behind what i do. i love my health, i love being creative. i like new exerpeices and adventure. i love connecting with others. i love breakfast! i love art. how do i celebrate these things and make commitments to my interests without giving up. I

I WANT A LOVE THAT WANTS ME.